First, bowling in New England is different than in the civilized world. There's regular bowling, also known as ten pin, that everyone's familiar with. Then there's candlepin bowling which involves hurling a tiny shot-put size ball at thin little pins that don't get cleared away if they fall. This wacky version is so bizarre, that each bowler gets three rolls per frame. I believe anyone who plays it and doesn't have a Boston accent only gets two rolls. But I could be wrong.

How I came up with that spelling for a spare is unknown to me.

My half-aunt really is legally retarded. I wasn't being mean.

This is probably the last time I mentioned Mountain-Dew in a sentence that doesn't also contain the words "piss" or "swill."